irishslang.info

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."

irishslang.info

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both"

irishslang.info

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go on a trip right now."

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London , and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!! Irish Garda says,' License and registration, please.' London Lawyer says, 'What for?' Irish Garda replies, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign.' London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.' Irish Garda says, 'You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And registration, please.' London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?' Irish Garda says, 'The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between 'slow down' and 'stop', I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.' Irish Garda says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.' The London lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the fuck out of the lawyer with it and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'
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